While a relatively new concept in Australia, Separation and Divorce Coaching has an important role to play in assisting people to make the transition from a relationship with a partner to building a new life for themselves, whether they choose to re-partner or remain single.
Going through separation and divorce is one of the most challenging experiences in life, even when the choice to part is clear. Others come to a separation not having resolved the issues with their partner or making a conscious choice to part and this has its own set of problems. Whichever way, it is normal to feel that your whole world has fallen apart. Unlike any other time in life, everything you may have previously taken for granted comes under the threat of change. When we face the trauma of separation and divorce we are usually at our most vulnerable. Many people say that the grief they feel at the loss of their partner and/or the family unit would be easier to handle if they had died rather than separated.
This is also a time when every aspect of our lives comes under scrutiny and major decisions that have the potential to affect the rest of your life and the lives of your family need to be made. Unfortunately, this is when we are often least well-equipped to deal with the emotional, financial and legal issues which need to be addressed.
At a time when everything is uncertain and unfamiliar, to be expected to ‘do life differently’ is a big ask. Essentially, whatever survival mechanisms we’ve used in the past will be those which will be called upon in the present. Which means that the very behaviours that may have gotten us into this situation in the first place come rushing back to deal with its fall-out. For many, the thoughts are ”If I can just get through this day, the lost dreams, if I can just manage this tidal wave, or immerse myself in it deeply enough to numb the pain, then I’ll be okay”.
To be able to admit that I/we need to find another way or to try something different takes humility and wisdom. It means having to lay down our swords, to give up the willingness to blame or the need for revenge, in order to find peace and to do that which will allow us to move on in a manner that minimizes the harm to ourselves, our children and our former partner. Much as we may not want to admit it, perhaps this is one of those times when we really do need to hold out our hand and ask others to guide us; to help us design the road map forward one step at a time.
To heal, time alone is not enough. It will take many things, not least of which is awareness, understanding, love, acceptance and surrender. And with that, the help of professionals whose job it is to create an environment that responds to the demands of the time and has yours and your family’s interests at heart.