We have written this letter so that others who are possibly in a similar situation may have a reference point or feel confident to take the next step of seeking assistance in managing their relationship.
We initially saw Di at the initiation of Debbie. This was after a 19 year marriage, 4 children and years of knowing we were disconnected but not knowing what to do or how to handle it.
When we first saw Di together, the overriding feeling we had was that of confidence. Confidence in that whatever the outcome of our counselling we would be treated with respect, non-judgementally and fairly. And that we would be better off for the experience.
Our ‘brief’ to Di was that we needed to resolve the ‘conflict’ between us. This was not violent behaviour, but an emotional one. Over many years there had been a slow disintegration of our relationship. It had affected how we felt and acted towards each other. There had already been an unspoken separation and this had affected the family dynamic and our children’s happiness.
Over a relatively short period of time, with Di’s guidance, counselling and coaching, we were able to ‘resolve the conflict’ through a better understanding of each other’s relationship needs. The final outcome was a formal separation. Some might say that this was a failure; on the contrary. Our decision was the most loving choice that we could make for ourselves and each other.
It is very unlikely that we would have achieved this perfect result on our own. We will always be indebted to Di for her love, professionalism, skill and care towards us both.
PS I would like to add that with Di’s assistance I was able to find clarity and strength to move on with dignity and to understand that our choice to separate was the most loving one for myself. I now believe, 6 months on, that we have moved on successfully. Stephen and I have a healthy, loving friendship and respect for each other. We continue to parent our four children as a family. The most rewarding of all is that myself, Stephen and our children are happy.
Stephen & Debbie
PPS From a male’s perspective, I was reluctant to seek advice because ‘I couldn’t see what the problem was’. I have learned so much about myself and it has been a personally satisfying experience. Di’s guidance was a beacon for me when I was most vulnerable and self-doubting.